


Don't go where I can't follow

by velvetcat09



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Multi, respawn malfunction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-03-25
Packaged: 2018-05-11 19:15:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5638678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velvetcat09/pseuds/velvetcat09
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“We came out to the bridge, I took the medic but the soldier aimed for ‘im, somehow he got shot but then he got shot too and ah didn’t see the lad after—“<br/>“I saw his corpse.”</p><p>===</p><p>another story to that respawn malfunction au, will try my best to make this hurt/hurt haha jk i don't have the heart to do such cruelty</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. No

**Author's Note:**

> Btw the map is Double Cross. I'm really sorry if there's any grammatical error or that my writing aren't that coherent. I'm not a native speaker and this isn't beta-read. There will be more (hopefully, as I tend to lost ideas). Thank you so much for reading this!! Let me know if you have anything to say about this fic :')

Sniper woke up with the smell of caffeine wafting in the air of his van. His once warmth side now felt cold since the person who had been there was now making his morning coffee. He stood up, scratching his hair and walked towards the coffee. He snaked an arm around Scout’s waist and kissed his neck.

“Mornin’, your breath smell like shit.” Sniper just smiled at the remark and silently retreated to the small locker he called a bathroom. There’s only a small corner for the shower, the toilet took most of the space. Sniper took his morning routine there before joining with his teammates in the base for shower and breakfast. Work doesn’t start until around 8 so everyone is left with enough time to do whatever they want before the battle. War is just work for them, nothing more. They’re just here for money, all they need is to just keep the status quo going until one of the Mann brothers died.

“You’re up early.” Sniper half-shouted from the bathroom.

“Yeah, breakfast on me today so I gotta’ run to the base. How’s bacon pancake sounds?” Scout poured the coffee into two mugs. He gave the mug with #1 written on it to Sniper who just came out from the bathroom and drank the other one.

“Sure, ‘m fine with anythin’. Stop tryin’ to flip it like in masterchef, though. You’ll burn your hand.” Sniper smiled from behind his mug while ruffling the kid’s hair.

“Pssh— _Hey!_ I _won’t_ burn my hands, I’m good at cooking.”

“ _Yeah,_ second best from below, sure kiddo.”

“ _Whatever_ , I’ll see you at the base.” Sniper took his time with his coffee while Scout dashed to the BLU base. Although Sniper didn’t park his van too far from the BLU base, it’d still take a good 5 minutes run for Scout to get there and so he hurried his step, hoping that Soldier would still be doing his morning push-ups and yet to be out from his room.

 

xXx

 

“You burnt your hand.”

“ _Shut up_.” Scout lightly smacked Sniper’s arm. He didn’t try to flip it but Pyro came and asked if he can do flambé. Well technically you’ll burn the pancakes if you flambé it, but Pyro was staring at him and he figured he might as well try to burn the pancakes, who knows maybe Pyro likes it better burnt to toast then nice and fluffy. He once watched Demoman did it, and he more or less remembered it. So he did it.  And he also burnt his right hand, which is now stinging like hell. Medic refused to use his medigun and insisted that he needs to learn to stop doing stupid cooking tricks. Pyro clapped at him the whole time while the rest of the team laughed at him.

“Don’t use that hand too much, it’ll stop stinging.”

“Yeah well how the hell am I gonna’ shoot? My left hand can’t aim jack shit.” Scout received a chuckle from the taller man and a pat on the shoulder.

“Ya’ dingus, we’re capturing intel, you don’t need to aim. I’ll cover you, just stay around Soldier or Demo for backup.” Scout gave him a small “okay” and ran towards the two older guys. He didn’t tell Sniper that there’s another uneasiness inside him, not from his worry of his aim or his health, but _something else._

He didn’t felt good going to work today.

 

xXx

 

Sniper did cover him. He headshot the RED Soldier who was about to shot Scout to pieces. But he missed the RED Sniper who headshot Scout a second later. And then he got backstabbed. Scout’ll be pissed at him, but Sniper will say that the enemy Spy did it and Scout will be pissed at his dad and not him. A perfect plan, all he need is to wait for another 15 seconds before he respawned.

Respawn works in a scientifically mysterious way. Sometimes you’ll respawn in just 2 seconds. Sometimes it takes as long as 20 seconds. You can’t set the respawn time, as the Engineer and Medic explained. But one thing you know about it is that the machine needs its daily check-up and repair. And that daily repair just so happen to be next week. Until then, the machinery would work just fine, nothing to worry about.

Sniper respawned in an empty room. That’s weird. Scout died earlier than him, _he should be here by now_. Sniper gambled on whether he should wait or go outside and help his teammates. He chose to wait, Engineer got the intel secured and there’s not much a sniper can do when it comes to capturing intel, so he waited. He waited for a good 2 minutes but Scout hasn’t respawned yet. That’s _really_ weird. Maybe he’s already outside and going for the RED intel. As soon as Sniper went out of the respawn room, the Administrator voice came from the loudspeaker, announcing that the BLU has won the battle.

 

xXx

 

“Congrats on win, nice capture, Pyro.” Engineer patted Pyro’s back, who replied with a thumb up.

“Pyro—Where’s Scout then? I thought he went to the intel.” Sniper furrowed his brow. They all had just regrouped in the base and had just started tidying their weapons and stuff. Everyone looked at Sniper and Sniper’s confusion turned into fear.  He remembered that Scout went out with Demo, and so he gave the Scotsman a look. “We came out to the bridge, I took the medic but the soldier aimed for ‘im, somehow he got shot but then _he_ got shot too and ah didn’t see the lad after—“

“I saw his corpse.”

“Excuse me, Herr Soldier, but _was_?” Soldier took off his helmet and rubbed his clean-cut hair. “I saw his corpse laying on the bridge under the other bridge when I was in the air. I thought he just died and respawn was picking him up.”

“ _When_ did you see his corpse,” It surprised Sniper that it took quite some strength not to shout that question.

“Just before Pyro capped.” Sniper ran out to the bridge with Pyro behind him. His fear was right, Scout was still on the bridge, laying still.

“ _Fuck_ —Pyro call everyone,” He panicked.


	2. Wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Can I have a words with you,” To the BLU Spy, it wasn’t a question and more of a demand.  
> “Your sniper doesn’t seem to be around and neither does my son, where are they?”

“How is little man?” Heavy looked at Medic and he saw the other man slowly shaking his head.

“Not good, he is in a comma. His body and organs are fine but he is unconscious until unknown time.” He took the chair next to Heavy and for some reason the air grew tenser. Everyone was silent.

“And the bushman?” Medic sighed at Spy’s question. “Beside him, probably 24/7 until Scout wakes up.”

“So what now, Doc?” Soldier’s usual loud voice was now low and unsure. His deep frown was visible without his helmet.

“If it is the machine that is broken, there is nothing me and Herr Engineer can do. We are strictly forbidden to temper with it, I got detention for it. His consciousness might be trapped within respawn and I can do nothing about it. So until the next check-up date— _We wait_.” Medic leaned on his chair, he really hate feeling like _this_ , not being able to do anything.  

“That’ll be next week. We can still fight with 8 people—“

“That’s 7, Herr Engineer. _Sniper won’t join us_.” Engineer gave a soft “ah” on that.

“I would do the same for Doktor, if Doktor also got trapped in respawn.”

“Thank you, _Schatz_.” Medic gave a small smile and patted Heavy’s shoulder.

“I can—talk to the other team about our lack of teammates fighting, they’d understand. The Administrator would understand. As long as we keep fighting, it doesn’t matter how many of us are in battlefield, the Mann brothers _wouldn’t know_ , they’re half dead already.” Spy lighted a cigarette.

“It’s funny how we all risk our lives just for the sake of keeping two sickly old brothers entertained ‘til death, even if the pay-check is hell good—Well, we should sleep. I’ll tell Miss Pauling tomorrow, Spy can tell the other team. G’night everyone.” Engineer took his leave with Soldier following suit. One by one everyone left until it was just Pyro sitting alone in the dining room. They took off their masked and wiped the tears that were pooling on both of their eyes. They felt _guilty_.

 

xXx

 

Spy was restless. His job requires him to be calm and composed at all time. He was fidgety as _hell_ and _he hated it_. He couldn’t concentrate on getting close to any of the RED team and ended up standing like an idiot on the train bridge, the same spot where Sniper had found Scout. He could break the news to the RED team easily, but the RED Spy. Now that’s tricky. He wouldn’t take the news well and ended up massacred BLU team. That could risk not only his teammates’ lives but his job _too_. But said man beat him to the news, the RED Spy de-cloacked in front of him. Spy felt his gut sank to his knee.

“Can I have a words with you,” To the BLU Spy, it wasn’t a question and more of a demand.

“Your sniper doesn’t seem to be around and neither does my son, _where are they_?” There was a pause before BLU Spy finally answered. “ _Your son_ is in a comma, respawn was broken when it picked him and he is left unconscious. Sniper—He’s with him now in the infirmary.”

“ _Quoi?_ ” BLU Spy let out a sigh, he really didn’t want to break the news even slower. “Your son is in a comma, probably won’t wake up until next week. Sniper is with him.”

“You’re joking.”

“I wish.” The RED Spy was quiet, he looked pass through his BLU counterpart. He didn’t think that RED Spy would take the news like that. He had expected a more scream-like response.

“Can I—can we switch? I think you should _talk_ to our medic.” Although the RED Spy left out the “I want to see my son.” bit, the BLU Spy understood. What he didn’t understand was the quiet-shock expression on the other’s face. _I thought he’d punch me_.

 

xXx

 

“Where is he?”

“Where who— _Ah_. _Sorry, right, yes_ , your son is in the infirmary, right next door.” Medic was half expecting the RED Spy would come, well certainly not the day after the accident. But then again he is a spy _and_ a father with a dying son. Breaking into an enemy base during cease-fire would be a huge warning in a war. But their war isn’t even a war in the first place, anyway. Medic didn’t quite catch the low “Thank you.” before the man vanished from his sight.

Sniper heard the other coming. He felt the other’s looming gaze and kept his grip on Scout’s hand. “How is he?” Came a low but raspy voice of Spy, not his team’s, the other’s.

“He’s asleep. Won’t wake up until next week.” Spy took a chair and on the other side of Scout. The chair felt incredibly heavy to him and when he was finally seated, it felt like the weight of a train just dropped on his shoulders. Scout’s face was half covered by the oxygen mask, the boy is already small and with that mask, he looked even smaller. His eyes were closed and how much Spy hoped that they were opened and glaring at him instead. He’d rather be hated then watching him dying. He’d rather be cursed then be left without a words from him. Never once did Spy ever hate the boy. Scout may hate him from leaving his Ma’ and his brothers at a very young age but Spy would never hate him. After all, _he’s his son_.

They sat there in silence for God knows how long. Neither spoke a single word, waiting for the next beep from the heart-rate machine. Afraid that if they start to talk, the noise would stop and they both lose Scout.

 

xXx

 

“I’m sorry, what?” Spy almost spat his glass of water. He was now in the RED base and doing so in front of the entire team of RED would result in death to him. They were all in the RED base dining room. As soon as Spy revealed himself and told the short story to the RED Medic, the man’s face turned into something Spy cannot quite read. It was a mixture of fear and sympathy. The man then called the entire team and him to go sit in the dining room.

“We lost our old Pyro to the same case. Respawn didn’t picked her fully and she was left in a comma for three days before her heart stopped beating completely.” The RED Medic’s gaze fell down to the glass in his own hands, everyone else were looking anywhere but at the Spy. _How the fuck is he going to explain this to the team._

 “But how respawn itself work is still a mystery, your Scout might wake up, I don’t know when but there is still a chance. Until then, there’s nothing we can do but wait. And hope.”

“Why didn’t you tell the Administrator about this? _This is a serious problem_. Every single man’s life is at stake here.”

“We did, actually. Miss Pauling told us that it has been repaired and so we thought, until you break the news to us.” The RED Engineer said with an apologetic look. Spy didn’t understand what he was apologizing for. For some reason, Spy felt completely defeated. He can’t come back to his base with such news. How would they feel? How would _Sniper_ feel?

“So what now? What do I say to _my_ team?”

“You wait and hope. We did too but we weren’t lucky, she passed on. He might still wake up.” said the Soldier and Spy really want to believe so. That there is still hope.

“I won’t cap your intel, until he’s awake, I swear. He’s like a brother to me as well, we hang out a lot, I hope he wakes up.” the Scout said, Spy smiled at the humble and honest words of the boy.

“I don’t think his dad would be in the battle until then,” Sniper scratched his hair.

“Neither would your rival, so I hope you don’t mind getting headshot by an Ambassador for the time being.”

“ _Haha, go to hell, Spy._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, the BLU and RED team know each other and actually friendly :D The Admin doesn't care as long as they fight good and they give the impression of a war to Blutarch and Redmond haha


	3. I didn't mean to

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He ranted non-stop for a good 15 minutes and Sniper found himself surprised that he didn’t mind at all being called a jerk. He didn’t mind any of Scout’s rant

“Hey, I’m the new scout, nice to meet’cha.” Sniper looked over the hand that was offered to him and he paused. Their old scout had resigned, Sniper didn’t quite like the old guy, he bragged too much for his liking. Always complaining and Sniper was actually glad that he resigned. The new scout seemed nice, he didn’t get to meet him last night when the guy finally arrived. Apparently he paused long enough for Scout’s friendly expression to turn sour. If he had paid more attention, he could probably catch the hurt look that was in Scout’s face for a second.

“Uh—Is this not how you greet a foreign guy?”Scout shot a look at his hanging hand and then back to Sniper’s face. “What— _Oh_ , right, sorry. Nice to meet you too,” Sniper finally took the other man’s hand. _When was the last time he had to introduce himself, he felt really awkward._

“So—you came all the way up here, just to introduce yourself?” Sniper took a step back and sort of gestured his surroundings. They were standing in the small shack where Sniper usually nested while doing his night watch routine. The shack wasn’t that far from the base but high enough for Sniper to get good view of the base. It was far enough for Sniper to get the whole view of the BLU base.

“ _Yeah!_ ” Scout sounded so proud for some reason. “I’ve introduced myself to everyone except you. Spy told me you’d be here so here I am. By the way I don’t get it, why do you even need a spy in battle, he looks so fishy and his face looks like those kids who steal your book in class and blame it on other people. What does he even do—“ Scout was cut by Sniper who burst into laughter.

“ _Kid_ , you do ramble a lot, don’t you? _”_

“ _What_ —I _don’t_!”

“You _do_.” And then Scout proceed to rant about Sniper being a jerk. How he has horrible taste despite only knowing him just now. How he looked really rough and dirty and pretentious. He ranted non-stop for a good 15 minutes and Sniper found himself surprised that he didn’t mind at all being called a jerk. He didn’t mind any of Scout’s rant.

If anything, he found the new scout to be charming.

 

xXx

 

It was dark. Empty. There was nothing around him, no objects, no boundaries. And yet Scout felt suffocated.

_I wanna go home._

Scout screamed to the top of his lung but no sound came out. He closed his eyes in hope that there would be light. He hoped that he could still imagine what light is. But all he saw was more nothingness.

_I wanna go home._

 

xXx

 

“Why do you always cover your ‘ands with bandages, kid?” Sniper was seated across Scout, a hand propping his head from the table. Everyone had already finished their dinner except for Scout. Despite being the fastest guy in battlefield, he eats the slowest. If Sniper wasn’t mistaken, Scout always looked so careful with his food. As if he was afraid of it.

“Huh,” Scout looked up from his plate and stared at Sniper for a good minute. The pause was long enough for Sniper to realize that he had entered a dangerous territory. Scout looked over his hands and Sniper held his breath. _Shit, shouldn’t have asked._  

He stared and stared and Sniper felt like he should probably apologize. He didn’t know that was a touchy subject, he _presumed_ it was for a better grip but, _oh how he was wrong_. Then Scout began to unwrap his bandages and Sniper felt like he _really_ should apologize. “ _It_ won’t fade.” Sniper didn’t understand. From his side, he could see nothing wrong with both of Scout’s hands. They were clean, no dirt or whatsoever. No wounds, no scars. He couldn’t understand Scout’s words. _What won’t fade?_ He didn’t see anything.

“Let me see—“ Sniper was about touch Scout’s hands when the boy scrambled back instantly. Scout looked everywhere but at Sniper and he could see fear in the younger man’s eyes. He was _terrified_. Scout was shaking and afraid and Sniper _understood_.

_The scars have healed but Scout hasn’t._

xXx

 

Medic gently knocked on the infirmary door, he entered when he received no answer from the other side. The room was dark, saved only from the lights that came from the medical machinery and the faint glow of moonlight coming through the window. Medic could see two silhouettes, sitting across each other with a bed in the middle. Scout lied motionless. The room was quiet with the occasional beep from the heart-rate machine.

“Both of you should eat,” No one answered the medic. The man sighed and walked towards Sniper. He placed a hand over the hunching man’s shoulder. “ _You_ should eat.” And Medic saw. The face of a tired man. Someone who has their life slowly drained from them. Sniper stood up and left the room without a word. Medic sat down on Sniper’s chair.

“Is he back?” The RED Spy kept his gaze on his son. “ _Ja_ , he talked to your medic.”

“It’s day two.” Spy’s voice was hoarse. “ _I know_ , but there is still a chance.” Medic realized he probably would never understand how deep the pain was to watch your son dying but he could understand the feeling of loss. He could empathize with Spy and Sniper.

“We will wait, let him take his time to wake up.” Medic said before leaving the room as well and Spy would do anything for Scout to wake up right now.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess what headcanons i put in here lmao yes the used-to-be-fat scout.


	4. Please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sniper leaned and planted a kiss on Scout’s forehead. He stayed. Hands still holding the other’s tightly.  
> “Of course I do.”

Sniper stood on the bottom of the stairs and he managed to get a clean headshot of the RED Soldier who was standing on top of the truck and ready to fire his rocket launcher. Scout didn’t get blown into pieces by the rocket, he’d probably thank Sniper later, probably. The older man was about to call him when he heard the noise of a bullet being fired. He watched as Scout fell from where he stood, dropping down to the bridge bellow and Sniper ran. He felt time stopped around him, as if allowing him to meet Scout. Every noise was dampened by his heartbeat. He ran to the bridge to catch Scout’s body before it touched the hard wood. He stood right below Scout’s body and he caught nothing but air.

 

_“Hey, do you love me?”_

 

xXx

 

Sniper blinked his eyes open. The room was lighter than before, the sun has risen up. Sniper’s eyes fell to his hand that was still holding Scout’s hand. His eyes trailed to the other’s face, Scout was still asleep, deep in coma. His heartbeat was weak but _there_ , his breathing even weaker. Sniper watched him in silent. He then remembered that he wasn’t alone with Scout in the infirmary, there was another man. Said man was sitting across of Sniper and Sniper could hear faint breathing from him. The RED Spy was also asleep, leaning on his chair with both arms crossed over his chest.

Sniper figured he could probably go back to sleep. Maybe when he woke up the next time, Scout would be awaked too.

Sniper rested his face next to Scout’s hand that he was holding and closed his eyes again. Hoping.

 

xXx

 

Engineer had just finally finished building his dispenser to level three when he heard the noise of someone who just rocket jumped coming from the outside. His sentry was still at level one and he immediately regretted not prioritizing it over the dispenser. He picked his shotgun and readied himself to face whoever that was. The front of his shotgun was met with the BLU Soldier’s chest and Engineer sighed in relieve.

“Thought you were the enemy for a second,” He lowered his gun and went back to wrench his sentry. Soldier was returning with the enemy’s intelligence.

“We are handling this well, even without Scout and Sniper.” Soldier walked towards the dispenser and rested an arm over the machine. Engineer hummed in agreement.

Soldier stayed for a while, he stood in silent while Engineer worked. “Will he wake up?” The sentry was finally upgraded to level three, Engineer paused before looking at Soldier.

“I suppose,” Engineer finally answered with a sigh.

“I miss Scout.”

“Me too, Soldier. Me too.” He gave the other a sad smile.

 

xXx

 

Scout crouched and hide his face on his lap. Everything was dark, everything was quiet saved for the occasional beeping sound that he heard. He hated it. He felt like dying and he was terrified.

_I wanna go home._

He couldn’t remember how he ended up here. He couldn’t remember what happened to him. But he remembered burning his hand. He remembered the pain, he could still feel the pain. Stinging. He remembered being told not to do stupid things. He remembered Sniper scolding at him. He remembered him. He missed Sniper.

_I wanna go home._

xXx

 

“Scout—Look, _it’s fine_ ,” Scout was hyperventilating. He thought he could do it, after years and years, he _thought_ he was finally ready. He thought he had buried that _thing_ deep enough. He thought he was finally _free_. And yet here he was, shaking badly with Sniper’s arms wrapped around him, trying to calm him down. Scout saw that man’s face instead of Sniper’s and Scout pushed Sniper instantly. He couldn’t do it.

Scout buried his face on the crook of Sniper’s neck. His breathing was uneven and every breath he took pained him. His throat felt like burning, his mind in a haze. He could see flashes of memories he tried so hard to forget. _Those big hands. It hurts. It hurts so bad._

“’m s-sorry..” Scout’s breath hitched.

“It’s okay, you’re okay, I won’t do anything you don’t want.” _I would never hurt you_. Scout believed him. Believed in his every words. But he still couldn’t do it. He felt like betraying Sniper’s trust.

“’m so _so_ sorry..” He buried his face deeper.

“It’s _okay_.”

 

xXx

 

Scout was still asleep when Sniper finally woke up. Spy had already left when Sniper opened his eyes. The beeping sound was still there and Sniper was happy enough. The sun was setting down, he should probably wash himself and eat. But he couldn’t get himself to leave Scout alone. What if he woke up? What if the beeping stops?

Sniper leaned and planted a kiss on Scout’s forehead. He stayed. Hands still holding the other’s tightly.

 

_“Of course I do.”_


	5. Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One after another, he chain-smoked to relief the stress. It didn’t work at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i already have a plan for the ending and hopefully it'll be sad enough to hurt you all ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Scout still hasn’t woken up. It’s been days, that’s all Sniper knew. Spy left the room some time ago, he couldn’t remember. He hadn’t been in battle for a while now. His team could be in tatter for all he knows, he wouldn’t be surprised at this point if the Administrator decided to fire him. He couldn’t care less. His usually clean-shaven face now looked rough with the growing stubble on it. Eyes that were once always looked sharp like a hawk, now sunken and filled with sorrow. His vigilant stance now deteriorated into a constant slump. He took showers but he didn’t bother with his look. He didn’t want to waste anytime outside. Scout could wake up any moment and Sniper wouldn’t want to miss it. So he waited. Patiently. Beside him, day and night, holding the younger man’s hand with firm yet careful grasp. For someone who used to be so _alive_ , Scout looked very _dead_.

Being alone in a room with complete silence for days could ruin one’s mental stability. Sniper began to doubt his hope. No one was there to assure him, even the RED Spy who sat with him didn’t say a word. Quietness, to a certain point, is not healthy. Sniper learned the hard way.

Maybe Scout was already dead. Maybe that heart-rate machine lied to him. Sniper was torn. He wanted to believe that Scout would wake up, but the thought of Scout not waking up was always nagging on the back of his head. A cruel reminder that death is always on the edge at this point.

_Please, just wake up._

xXx

 

“The technician will be here tomorrow, should we tell Sniper?” Engineer looked up from the paper that Ms. Pauling has faxed to him. The uncertainty in his eyes was covered by his goggles.

“Maybe… Maybe we _shouldn’t,_ ” Medic said with a conflicted gaze staring at the wall behind Engineer. “We’ll tell him tomorrow.”

Engineer huffed an “Alright,” and left the room. He felt bad for not telling Sniper that his wait will soon come to end. He wanted to break the good news to the poor man. But Engineer understood Medic’s intention of not telling Sniper. He shouldn’t be giving the man false hope. There was still a chance that Scout wouldn’t wake up. Sniper would be an _absolute mess_ if he knew.

Engineer passed behind Pyro who was sitting in the kitchen alone. They haven’t been talkative these past few days. Even with their speech impediment, Pyro was usually very cheerful about everything. But not now, not after Scout in coma. They often sat in silence in the past days, lost in thoughts it seemed. Engineer could hardly tell what was on their mind, they wore a mask and it hid their expression _perfectly_. But posture-wise, not so much. Pyro is an open book when it came to gestures. His sullen posture clearly stated that they are very saddened with Scout in coma. As if they felt bad about it, _guilty_ -bad.

Engineer placed a hand on Pyro’s shoulder, they turned their head and faced Engineer with a blank look. For some reason, Engineer could swear Pyro was crying behind that mask.

“He’ll wake up soon.” and he left them. Pyro looked like they still need some more alone time.

 

xXx

 

The RED Spy has never felt more agitated in his life. He hated it. He hated the fact that his hands wouldn’t stop trembling despite the amount of nicotine he has inhaled to calm them. He hissed while stepping the used one on the ground and took another one to light. One after another, he chain-smoked to relief the stress. It didn’t work at all.

His look was just as bad as the BLU Sniper. Both looked like a complete mess. Spy took shower in the BLU base, so naturally he didn’t have spare clothes. His suit reeked of tobacco. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. Spy took off his mask long ago and left it in the infirmary. He was down to his white shirt and vest, with the sleeve rolled up. He thought that fresh-air would loosen up his stress. And yet here he stood, still feeling very much confined in an invisible crate.

He remembered one time when Scout called him “Dad”. It was a very long time ago, Spy doubted Scout even remembered it, but Spy did. The boy was a very shy kid. Rarely talked to the point that his Mom was afraid that Scout was mute or something. Growing up with seven brothers wasn’t easy for him, especially being the youngest son. Scout was ten years old when Spy left him and his Mom. He was deported back to France, apparently his wife ex-boyfriend wasn’t very friendly. The jealous-fueled man planned a scheme to kick Spy out of Scout’s Mom’s life. And it worked. Spy couldn’t have seen that coming, he killed the man a few years later but still couldn’t come back to Boston. He had his revenge, he could still contact her, Spy felt okay with his predicament at that time. He believed it was fate and he accepted it. But one thing that he regretted the most was every moment he spent not bonding with his youngest son back when he could.

 _“Dad, please…”_ Scout stood beside his Mom, clutching her skirt with his small hands. His eyes were flowing with tears and Spy regretted not answering his son’s plead. That moment haunts Spy until now. He betrayed the boy’s innocent trust that he could never win back. Spy left the boy alone to fend himself with his seven brothers. He left Scout to survive the harshness of street-life. Spy wasn’t there for him to help him with every step. Spy wasn’t there to scold him when he joined the fighting-ring. Spy wasn’t there to cheer and praise his son for winning baseball championship. Spy wasn’t there to support him for college. Spy wasn’t there to protect his son from getting raped in the street on that night. His boy was scared forever and Spy couldn’t protect him. What hurts the most for him, was the fact that despite knowing all of these, he could do nothing about it.

He stubbed out his cigarette only to light another one up. He didn’t notice the footsteps coming from his side. He only noticed the figure when he saw shadow casting over him from his side. Spy looked on his left and found the BLU Heavy standing with a bottle of vodka in his hand.

“It’s not much, but hope it helps.” The Russian shoved the bottle to him. Spy had never really spoken to the BLU Heavy, for all he knows, the man was different from his team’s. The RED Heavy was loud and over-bearing, but still kind in heart. The BLU Heavy was gentle and soft-spoken, and very considerate. Spy could see why the BLU Medic fell for the bigger man.

“Ah, _merci_.” Spy took the bottle and gave him a smile in return.

The sky was turning into a darker shade, despite everything that was happening, Spy found it beautiful and calming. “Hope your son will wake soon.”

Spy could only smile. He hoped as well, has been so for the past week. Spy was tired of blaming himself for everything. Tired of watching everything unfolds while he couldn’t do a single damn thing about it. And so he drank to forget.


	6. Wake up, please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Stay,” and Sniper did. That thought from a few minutes ago now gone in a blink. He watched him until he woke up the next morning.

_It’s today._

Despite everything, Sniper knew it was today. Sniper tried to ignore the days that went pass him, but in the back of his mind, he _knew_ all along. His mind unconsciously counted for him. Every single day, from the moment he found Scout lying motionless under the bridge. The clock started, a countdown to something that Sniper was very much unsure of. That countdown had to mean _something_ after all. Scout would wake up today. He _might_ just woke up. Sniper hoped and hoped.

And yet a sick thought in his mind knew the answer all along.

 

xXx

 

When the man in a weird combination of lab-coat and jumpsuit walked into the BLU base, everybody was silent. None of them had ever really spoken to the man, there wasn’t anything really to ask or talk with the man anyway. The technician would come and go like the wind, every month the man came and often the mercenaries didn’t even notice the man coming to the base. The mercenaries weren’t paid enough to question such unnecessary and trivial thing. The thought of “How the hell does it work” has of course passed each of the mercenaries’ mind at least once, but that was it. They knew about the daily check-ups, and that was also it. Who the hell did the check-ups, nobody could care less.

And so after years of being unnoticed in the huge building where he worked once a month to fix a peculiar machine, it wasn’t hard to realize when you were being followed by 7 mercenaries with intimidating body types. The technician knew about their job and it just made him felt more anxious being followed by said men.  He finally stopped walking and turned to face the men. Surprisingly harder to do than say.

“Is there a problem?” the man frowned at the 7 men. They all shared a look at each other before unanimously looked at Medic. Medic took a step forward and cleared his throat.

“I believe Miss Pauling has told you about the malfunction—“

“Malfunction? What malfunc— _Oh!_ Yeah, _right_ , she told me about it. Let’s go look at it then.” the line on the man’s face drastically changed. Whatever it was that Miss Pauling has told the man, it must have been really detailed. The second he realized what Medic was talking, the technician’s expression changed. There was concern in his eyes and Medic was sure of that. The man’s slouched-steps now changed into a faster and more up-straight one. All of sudden the air felt tenser than before.

 

xXx

 

This wasn’t the first time Scout had to stay in the infirmary for days. There was one time, when Scout caught typhoid. Contrary to popular belief, the mercenaries couldn’t just ‘get fixed’ by the medi-gun or the respawn function. The medi-gun heals wounds, it doesn’t treat illnesses. And being respawned while sick could spread the virus to the other mercenaries. And so Scout had to rest in the infirmary for about a week. Scout was very clingy when he was sick. Sniper almost felt bad for the younger man but soon he realized that said man was already 23 years old and should not be treated as such. He’d get even clingier and Sniper still had works to be done.

But there was a time when Scout’s fever was really bad and he couldn’t even lift his head up. His eyes were dazed with heat and his mind foggy from the medicine that Medic just gave him. Sniper sat beside him, hand over Scout’s. He watched him until those blue eyes finally closed and his breathing became less erratic from the fever. Sniper took the chance to slip away from the room. He gently slid his hand away from underneath Scout’s but as soon as he moved, Scout turned to face him with his eyes open.

“I thought you were asleep.” Scout shook his head slightly, his eyes looked hurt.

“Stay,” and Sniper did. That thought from a few minutes ago now gone in a blink. He watched him until he woke up the next morning. Sniper looked horrible after that, what with the lack of sleep and the dulling back-pain from sitting for hours. But honestly, he didn’t mind at all.

 

xXx

 

Sniper looked over the chair across him, the RED Spy hadn’t come back since hours ago. The man was probably with the other mercenaries, discussing with the technician. Sniper didn’t care anyway. The man was here to fix the machine and that’s as far as Sniper knew. Once it was fixed, someone would come to tell him, probably. Once it was fixed, Scout would wake up, so it would be better—he thought, to stay near Scout. He really didn’t want to leave the room anyway, but he _needed_ a break. He felt like utter shit. He didn’t get enough rest and yet at the same time he felt like he had too much rest. His mind was scattered. He needed his coffee. Scout wouldn’t mind him taking a coffee break, _right?_ Surely he wouldn’t.

And so he stood up from his chair, left the room to get a warm coffee. He felt light-headed when he stood on his feet. Both from the lack of sleep and from the sickening thought of the heart-rate machine stopped beeping when he came back.

 

xXx

 

“So you’re sayin’ we have to cut him off from the Respawn?” Engineer took off his hat, his deep frown was hidden behind his goggles.

“How—“

“Well you know how you all connected to the machine and that’s why you all ‘respawn’ after you died in the field, it’s all in the chips that you all agreed to be inserted in you at the beginning of contr—“

“I know how! _God_ , just—“ the technician was silenced, and so was the rest of the mercenaries. It’s rare that Engineer let out his rage, it’s very rare that Engineer even had to retract himself away from the table to let himself cool down.

Soldier understood and at the same time didn’t understand what the technician just explained to all of them, so he chose to stay quiet. Demoman was sober, very much sober and he hated it, he wished he didn’t understand the situation. Heavy felt helpless. Pyro left the moment the technician said “It’s a 50/50 chance”. Medic felt sick and enrage at the same time. The RED Spy knew all along.

“ _How_ —are we supposed to trust your words?” the Frenchman volunteered to voice in.

“It has happened before,” the man sighed, avoiding everyone’s gazes at him.

“It ended up badly before, but there is nothing else we can do, back then or now. It’s all up to him, if he has it in him to wake up, he’ll wake up, I don’t—alright, _there_ , _fine_ , you don’t have to trust me, but there’s literally _nothing_ else we can do. Either he wakes up or not.”

Nobody said anything. The RED Spy knew the risk, knew it very well, he knew their _actual_ chances.

“Fellas, you should know by now what you all signed up for at the beginning.”

 

xXx

 

“ _This is all your fault_ , I can’t believe I let him go.”

“Chéri—“

“ _Don’t_ —Just, bring him back. I want my son back. Bring him home.” he listened to her cry, listened to her weeping on the other side of the line. He couldn’t hug her, he couldn’t wipe her tears away, he wished he could. He wished he could be there beside her to comfort her. _God_ —how he wished he could bring their boy back home.

And then she hung up on him.

“Hey,” The RED Spy glanced at the man behind him.

“How’s everything?” _Oh God do I have to explain twice_ —

“The technician said—“

“I know.” the RED Spy stared blankly at the BLU Sniper.

“I heard.” neither said a word after that. They both stood there for what seemed to be eternity.

“Can I talk to you, outside?” Sniper gestured to the door and Spy couldn’t be happier to finally get out from the confining base.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aight i'm incredibly sorry for the long delay, the next chapter will probably be the final chapter. i'm sorry if there's any grammatical error or that if my writings aren't very coherent. i'm not a native speaker. thank you for reading :3c


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